I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
