I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
