i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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