We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
