i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize