Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
