my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
