My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize