dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
