on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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