the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
