kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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