Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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