paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
