I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
