I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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