I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
