Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
