you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
