Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
