Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
