i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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