Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
