just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
