He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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