Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
