dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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