dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
