I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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