Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
