she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
