what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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