i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
