if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
