Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
