All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
