Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
