the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
