The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
