I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
