I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize