yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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