If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
