The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
