it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
