Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
