Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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