She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
