Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
