Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
