One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
