I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
