Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
