When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
