I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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