Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
