Is it because I queefed?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
