Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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