he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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