I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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