dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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