You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize