would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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