so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize