Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
