I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
