I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
