i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
