Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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