You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
