ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He felt like a one man threesome
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
