I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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