i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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