I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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