so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
